By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
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you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
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People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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