Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
