yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
