Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
