you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
