Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
