I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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