Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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