My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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