She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
