My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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