shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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