Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's never too late to be topless.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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