I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
