yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
They have beer where we have blood.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
