You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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