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if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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