Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
