aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
