This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
