He had one of those small greek statue penises
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
