ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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