it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
