i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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