his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
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I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
false alarm, still single
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