I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
