my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
