We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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