At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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