You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
