did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
