I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
