His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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