You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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