Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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