Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
