remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
