Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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