he puts the penis in happiness.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
