If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
