please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
