i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
