I accidentally had phone sex last night
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
