Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
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Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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