I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
