Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My dick has a subreddit
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
