I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
