she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
