Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
