Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
