I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Holy sore nipples Batman
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
