Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
