SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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