Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
