you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
