but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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