dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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