She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
