oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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