eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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