i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
