Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
