he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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