Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
