I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
A bitchslap is in order.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
