No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
