No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
