note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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