Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
