He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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