then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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