My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
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