Sry I called you an 8
Just fell off a train. Bad.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
