i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
