So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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