it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
