its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
