if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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