ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
